Josh and I just returned from our second trip to South Dakota this summer. I can only wish it would have been for better reasons. Sometimes trips like these take you on a path you didn't see for yourself. We can only learn from these and try to move forward as there is no going back. Some of these lessons I have learned before and try to help others understand.
One is you should never take anyone for granted. This is a very hard lesson as it is hard to slow down and take time to cherish the people around you. Our society has us wrapped up in work and various other things that our doorway to our loved ones is half way closed. After Denise passed this lesson slapped me pretty hard in the face. I was a young adult who was too self centered to get off my butt and spend more time with my sister. I will always regret this. I vowed from that day to never leave my brothers alone even if they got annoyed with me. I do have to say as these 6 years have gone by that I have lacked some, but hope to get back on the wagon.
I hate funerals and memorials so much because they are the stop sign in a life that could have gone on. However, funerals and memorials give us that open doorway to see our loved ones and make a change. One of the other things we must learn is how to function without this person. As we grow and expand our lives we gather people along the way, so when one is missing everything feels wrong. This process of moving forward is one that I have not done yet, but have been one this road for a while. I can only hope to help Josh and provide the comfort and understanding he needs to heal.
The final thing I have learned is no matter what you never forget these people, and their memories have an odd way of popping up. The other day before Josh and I left we cleaned through some clutter in our book shelves and I came across some photos. There laid a photo of my uncle Jim. It was at Josh and my wedding. He was asleep in a chair at the bottom of the stairs, eyes closed and a peaceful look upon his face. It is one of my favorite photos of that day. I looked at it and felt very happy that I knew him. I have to think that sometimes things happen for a reason. Like finding a photo that should have been in our wedding album where I placed it, but ending up somewhere else.
As I remind Josh often, it is all about the little things in life. We were very lucky to have been able to make the trip to South Dakota in July, and that Josh's dad met Emma. We, as you know, are very proud of her and it was not a shock to us when Jim (Josh's dad) had very good things to say about her in the little amount of time they spent together. His memorial on the 15th was very nice. The song Amazing Grace was sung, a flag was presented, and some meaningful words were spoken.
So here is to James (Jim) Donald Haar.
In the last few weeks I have learned more about my dad then I knew in the last 29 years. Unfortunately, most of it was after he passed. All the time I knew that my dad loved me, I never really knew or asked what he thought of me in this new stage of life.
ReplyDeleteThe last time I saw him, I let him know exactly what was on my mind and asked a few questions. My dad, the man of few words, laid it all down for me, which in retrospect was one of the best moments I can remember having with my dad.
He told me he was very proud of me, he thought I had a beautiful family, and that his granddaughter was very pretty and smart. And most of all that he always loved me through thick and thin.
I told him how much that meant to me and that what he thought had always meant a lot to me. Growing up, I didn't have as many oppurtunities to see my dad as I may have liked, but we made the best with what we got. I also told him that I was proud of him and always no matter what loved him.
I don't know if he really wanted to know that or not, but I felt it was important to tell him. at the end of this visit, and as it turned out the last time I got to speak to or see my dad, I hugged him and told him that I loved him, then hugged him again.
My dad past away a month later. Oddly enough, I have no regrets. He knew what I thought and I knew what he thought. I had gotten my resolution that day in the park sitting on a picnic table in the 80 degree sunshine of Sioux Falls, SD.
I always had questions about my dad, but never really asked them. After he past...I started asking. My mom told me about his military service and lots of other stories. Back in Sioux Falls, Angie,Tara and I met Cindy, Amy, Tanya and her two kids for lunch. We told so many stories about when we were younger my face hurt form all the laughing.
At his memorial, in Wagner, SD, I heard all sorts of stories about my dad. I saw how much other people loved him too. They would say, "That Jim Haar, he once...and everyone laughed their ass off!" The one thing that I think everyone appreciated about my father is that you knew exactly where you stood with him. If he didn't like you or thought what you said was dumb, he let you know right away! But if you were in his graces, well there was no better place to be! I may not have had as much time with my dad as some other people, but I can't remember a time that I wasn't on his good side, and that is good enough for me.
So for you dad, I learned TAPS on my harmonica and I play it every day for you. I miss you. I cry everyday now...but it is a happy cry. I tell Emma about you and she sits and listens. I could see in the few hours she had with you, she was already attached. She is so smart dad, she will make all of us proud.
So dad, smile down at us and know you will never be forgotten. I never really knew how great you were, but found out through others. I love you and miss you!
So, for everyone else, Jim Haar was my dad and am proud to say that! I want everyone to know that his sarcasm lives on through me and will make him proud.